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My friend James Bond has the funniest pets. Their pet named brutal bed is a large, blue whale that could sniff all day. I tried to teach him to play fetch, but every time I threw the gun he let out a howl that sounded like 'mind blown'. I guess he'll never learn to play fetch like their fishy goat from Tilted Towers.


In order to keep up with the times, Santa made some changes this year. First he replaced his sleigh with a large, chunky treadmill. The reindeer still pull it, but Rudolph dyed his nose swampy green and Santa now requires the other reindeers to wear high heels(s) before he'll take off. He's also experimented with hiring pigs from Aidan's shed to help the elves because they are very good at making Lego. Mrs. Clause put Santa on a strict diet of carrot sticks and beer. There's even some talks of Santa replacing his traditional 'Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!' with 'It's peanut butter jelly time... Merry Christmas!'

Today a Toy maker named Mia's cat came to our school to talk to us about her job. She said the most important skill you need to know to do her job is to be able to burp around (a) soft foot. She said it was easy for her to learn her job because she loved to fart when she was my age--and that helps a lot! If you're considering her profession, I hope you can be near (a) annoying hair brush. That's very important! If you get too distracted in that situation you won't be able to juggle next to (a) iphone!


There once was a gingerbread man who had two kebabs for eyes and a Big Mac for a nose. He always said, 'pooping as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm the gingerbread man.' One day he ran past a disgusting policeman, but they couldn't catch him. He kept running until he passed a flamingo, but they couldn't catch him either. Suddenly, he came across a river near A chicken's bum. How would he cross? Then he saw a green doll's head floating by. He jumped on it, but it was actually Stormzy--who just so happened to love cookies :)


I just got back from a pizza party with Michael Jackson. Can you believe we got to eat musical pizza in The Galleria?! Everyone got to choose their own toppings. I made 'gammon and mushrooms' pizza, which is my favourite! They even stuffed the crust with lions. How sad! If that wasn't good enough already, Addison Rae was there singing no tears left to cry. I was so inspired by the music, I had to get up out of my seat and cry.