Jokes

Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

 

I got Jack a fridge for his birthday. I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

 

What is an astronaut's favourite part on a computer? The space bar.

 

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent.

 

What did one hat say to the other? You wait here. I'll go on a head.

 

What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

 

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

 

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.

 

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

 

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.

 

Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs?They always take things literally.

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!

 

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any

 

A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off

 

Q: How do you organise an outer space party? A: You planet.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t I’ve cut off your arms!”

 

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

 

I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.

 

I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I just can't seem to put it down.

 

Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A. A nervous wreck.

 

I was gonna tell a time-travelling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

 

What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

 

I'm only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

 

What is the loudest pet in the world? A Trum-pet

 

Can February March? No, but April May!

 

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles

 

What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador.

 

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

 

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

 

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY